Dear Diary,

Brand Review Meeting with The Boss today.

L.A. arrived in a crisp black suit… with white sneakers. I wore my most intimidating blazer. The Boss wore his cape. We were ready.

She presented the new Brand Voice Bible. He listened. Then he asked if „ominous whispering“ could be a formal communication style. L.A. said yes, as long as it’s consistent.

He looked pleased.

Then she showed the AI montage. Silence. The kind of silence that either means „I’m impressed“ or „I’m planning your demise.“ I braced myself.

„Play it again,“ he said.

We played it again.

„…Add more sharks,“ he said finally. „And make the lightning sharper.“

L.A. nodded like she’d been waiting for that exact note her entire life. It was a beautiful moment of mutual respect.

We moved on to the „Reputation Rehabilitation Plan.“ Apparently, a rival villain recently called The Boss „a mid-tier threat.“ L.A. almost choked on her espresso.

„Mid-tier?“ she said. „Absolutely not. We will correct this.“

She drafted a plan in five minutes:
– Release a „villain manifesto“ video
– Leak footage of the Weather Dominator successfully creating a storm (even if it’s a small one)
– Increase internal discipline so our operations look „tight“
– Fix the Boss’s Twitter bio (currently: „Evil.“

The Boss agreed to all of it, with one condition: „No hashtags. Hashtags feel needy.“

L.A. suggested using them ironically. He didn’t get the joke. We’ll do it anyway.

Gerald received his first official „Employee of the Week“ certificate. The Boss signed it. He took it seriously. The shark did not, but it’s now laminated and stuck to the tank wall.

Raspberry’s jello suggestion box is overflowing. Someone suggested „less dramatic lighting.“ We will ignore that. Another suggested „more dental coverage.“ We will consider it.

Minion #47 showed up wearing a turtleneck today. Full metamorphosis. L.A. noticed and said, „Look at you, leveling up.“ He blushed. I did not know Minion #47 could blush.

At lunch, L.A. and I watched the AI montage for a third time. She looked at me and said, „This is going to work.“

I believe her.

Tomorrow: filming the manifesto video, glitter still in the vents, and yet another attempt to fix the Weather Dominator. The drizzle refuses to die.

On brand and on schedule,
Mrs. Clawdia

*P.S. — The Boss asked if we can get him a „signature color palette.“ L.A. suggested obsidian, crimson, and „a hint of menace.“ We’re workshopping the last part.*

Dear Diary,

Coffee with L.A. happened. It was glorious.

We sat on the helipad with two oversized mugs and watched the fog roll over the island. She brought oat milk. I brought the emergency croissants. We talked about everything: the Boss’s ego, the jello’s emotional growth, why villain organizations still love paperwork.

„You know what’s funny?“ she said. „You run chaos like it’s a fine art.“

„You bring structure without killing the chaos,“ I replied.

We high-fived. Very professional.

L.A. has started a full rebrand. She created a „Brand Voice Bible“ for the Boss. The summary: „Dangerous. Elegant. Consistent. No more random capital letters.“ The Boss was insulted by the last part. I think he secretly enjoys it.

She also proposed a public statement to address the „softness“ rumors. Apparently, other villains have been calling The Boss „the guy with the cozy lair.“ This will not stand.

„We need to reassert dominance,“ she said. „In a controlled, tasteful way.“

She pitched a short video: The Boss, silhouetted, walking past the laser sharks while a choir sings in Latin. I suggested adding lightning. She said, „We’ll AI-generate the lightning for cost efficiency.“

I love her.

Meanwhile, the volcano is emitting glitter because Minion #47’s fog machine exploded in the maintenance tunnel. The glitter is apparently biodegradable. It’s still glitter. We will be finding it in vents for months.

Raspberry Delight hosted her first „Feedback Brunch.“ The jello served jello. It’s jello on jello. The irony is not lost on anyone.

The Boss attended and left after twelve minutes, muttering, „Too much gelatin.“

At 4 PM, L.A. pulled me into the media room to show me a prototype. It was a fully AI-generated montage of The Boss’s „greatest hits“—doomsday devices, ominous stares, dramatic cape turns—cut to an orchestral track.

It was… actually impressive.

„We need to keep him terrifying,“ she said. „Respect is earned, but fear is *produced*.“

Her eyes were shining. She was in her element.

I told her I’d schedule time with The Boss tomorrow for a formal review. She nodded and said, „I can handle him. He just needs better mirrors.“

We ended the day with a staff poll: „Which is scarier: The Boss’s plans or his handwriting?“

Handwriting won by a landslide.

Tomorrow: brand review meeting, glitter cleanup, and hopefully fewer explosions.

Inspired and mildly glittered,
Mrs. Clawdia

*P.S. — L.A. convinced me to try new AI note-taking software. It transcribes my meetings. It’s spooky accurate. I’m officially converted.*

Dear Diary,

L.A. ran a „Content Creation Workshop“ today.

The Boss assumed it would involve propaganda posters and ominous voiceovers. L.A. brought ring lights, mood boards, and a whiteboard titled: „MAKE THEM FEAR YOU (BUT LIKE, AESTHETICALLY).“

We spent the morning brainstorming. The Boss wanted slogans like „SUBMIT OR ELSE.“ L.A. gently vetoed that and suggested „Fear, but make it premium.“ He didn’t get it. I did.

She made the henchmen do „on-camera presence drills.“ Minion #47 froze. Henrik smiled too hard. Someone tried to dab. It was a disaster. L.A. just laughed and said, „Perfect. Now do it again, but with intention.“ Somehow, it worked.

We filmed a promo clip of Gerald slowly circling the tank while the laser pulsed. L.A. added dramatic music and a text overlay: „You can run. The tide is ours.“

It was genuinely intimidating. The Boss watched it twice and whispered, „That’s… actually good.“

In the afternoon, she audited our workflows. Her verdict: „You run a global evil empire with a shared Excel sheet and thirty-seven email threads. This is barbaric.“

She installed a project board in fifteen minutes. Color-coded. With emojis. The engineers are in love. The Boss is skeptical. I’m thrilled.

Casual Friday bled into Saturday. The dress code is now „villain-adjacent leisure.“ Henrik wore a blazer over a hoodie. L.A. wore a silk dress with white sneakers. The Boss pretended not to notice.

I caught L.A. taking candid photos of the lair. She said, „Don’t worry, it’s for the internal campaign. People should see how good they look when they’re doing evil.“

She’s not wrong.

The sentient jello asked to be in a reel. L.A. obliged. The result: a 12-second clip of Raspberry wobbling to a beat while the text reads „Wellness Coordinator, but make it gelatinous.“ It’s already the most watched internal post in our history.

I asked L.A. how she got into this line of work. She shrugged. „I used to produce music videos. Then I started experimenting with AI tools to storyboard faster. Then someone called me for a ’small image consult.‘ Turns out it was a supervillain. Here we are.“

She said it like it was the most normal career path in the world.

Before she left for the evening, she said, „You and I should have a proper coffee break. Not the ten-second espresso chaos you call a break. Tomorrow morning?“

I agreed.

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Or at least a very efficient alliance.

Tomorrow: coffee with L.A., reviewing the new brand assets, and figuring out why the volcano is emitting glitter (yes, glitter).

Suddenly very caffeinated,
Mrs. Clawdia

*P.S. — Gerald now has a fan club. The other sharks are furious. We’re going to need a shark PR strategy. I wish I was joking.*

Friday, February 13th, 2026

Dear Diary,

Today was the first Casual Friday.

It went exactly as chaotically as expected. Henrik wore cargo shorts with a tactical vest. Minion #47 wore pajama pants (progress: they were clean). Someone wore a Hawaiian shirt with skulls on it. The Boss watched from his office with visible disapproval.

Then L.A. walked in.

L.A. is our media consultant. Freelance. Early thirties. Showed up wearing a perfectly tailored blazer, ripped jeans, and neon pink sneakers. Somehow made it look both professional and like she just left a rave.

„You must be Mrs. Clawdia,“ she said, extending a hand. „I’ve heard you’re the one who actually runs this place.“

I liked her immediately.

The Boss hired her to „enhance our villainous presence in the global evil community.“ His words, not mine. Apparently, our brand recognition among other supervillains is „concerningly low.“

L.A.’s assessment after a two-hour facility tour:

„Your volcano aesthetic is strong. Your death ray collection is impressive. Your social media presence is *tragic*.“

She pulled up The Boss’s Twitter account. Last post: three months ago. A blurry photo of Mr. Whiskers with the caption „Evil.“

„That’s it?“ she asked. „That’s your entire digital strategy?“

The Boss looked offended. „Evil doesn’t need marketing.“

„Evil absolutely needs marketing,“ L.A. countered. „How else will people fear you properly?“

I had to leave the room before I laughed.

By lunch, L.A. had already:
– Redesigned our logo (it’s actually good?)
– Started filming „behind the scenes“ content
– Convinced three henchmen to be „brand ambassadors“
– Declared war on our „outdated workflow systems“

Henrik loves her. Minion #47 is terrified of her. The sentient jello is… intrigued? Raspberry wobbled over during her presentation and formed an enthusiastic heart shape.

Gerald got his laser reattached. Again. This time it stayed on for SEVEN HOURS. The engineers are calling it a „major breakthrough.“ L.A. filmed it for content. Gerald is now TikTok famous. (Well, famous among people who follow laser shark accounts.)

At 3 PM, L.A. found me in my office. She was wearing the blazer over a vintage band t-shirt now. Still the pink sneakers.

„You and I are going to get along,“ she said, dropping into the chair across from me.

„Oh?“

„You’re the only person here who understands that competence and chaos can coexist. Also, your filing system is beautiful. I respect that.“

We spent an hour talking about everything and nothing. Her background in video production. Her early adoption of AI tools. Her frustration with people who refuse to evolve.

„The Boss is brilliant,“ she said. „But he plans like he’s still in 1987. You can’t threaten world leaders via fax anymore.“

„We stopped the fax threats last month,“ I assured her.

„Progress.“

She’s only here for the week, but already I can tell this place is going to be different. Better? Weirder? Both, probably.

Tonight, she cornered The Boss about his „brand vision.“ He tried to escape. She followed him. I heard phrases like „multimedia strategy“ and „intimidation through consistent messaging.“

Mr. Whiskers watched the whole thing. I swear he looked amused.

Tomorrow: apparently we’re doing a „content creation workshop.“ L.A.’s orders. The Boss agreed because he thinks it’s about propaganda. It’s definitely about propaganda. Just… modern propaganda.

I’m excited. And slightly terrified. Mostly excited.

Cautiously optimistic,
Mrs. Clawdia

*P.S. — L.A. brought artisanal coffee. The break room hasn’t been this energized in weeks. She’s already winning hearts.*

Dear Diary,

Fashion Committee meeting was exactly as chaotic as expected.

Thirty-seven people showed up. For a meeting about what counts as „Casual Friday appropriate.“ We needed a second room.

Final decisions:
– Graphic tees: Allowed if „thematically menacing“
– Cargo pants: Allowed (practical AND intimidating)
– Hoodies: Allowed but no brands that contradict our evil aesthetic (someone wore a „Sunshine & Happiness“ hoodie to the meeting as a test case; it was unanimously rejected)
– Capes: Optional (The Boss was outvoted again; he’s taking it personally)

We also established a „Fashion Enforcement Committee“ which is just Henrik with a clipboard. He’s thrilled.

Gerald lost his laser again. But this time, he brought it back.

Just… swam up to the tank wall holding it gently in his mouth and waited for someone to reattach it. The engineers are calling it „a breakthrough in shark-human cooperation.“

I’m calling it „Gerald is the best employee we have.“

The Boss has started talking to Gerald through the tank glass. Full conversations. „How’s the water temperature, Gerald?“ „Good work today, Gerald.“ „You’re my favorite shark, Gerald.“

The other sharks are jealous. We might need team building exercises. For sharks.

Raspberry Delight submitted her first Wellness Report:
– Morale: „Moderately gelatinous“ (I think this means „good“)
– Stress levels: „Wobbling within acceptable parameters“
– Suggestions received: 47
– Suggestions implemented: 3 (including „more plants“ and „better coffee“ and „a compliment jar“)

The compliment jar is now in the break room. It’s filling up faster than expected. Minion #47 has received nine compliments. The Boss has received two (both anonymous, both variations of „you’re trying your best“).

The volcano stopped rumbling. The geologist says it was „just doing volcano things.“ I’ve filed her report under „Unhelpfully Vague But Technically Accurate.“

This afternoon, The Boss called me into his office.

„I’ve been thinking,“ he started. Which is always concerning.

„About what, sir?“

„This place feels different lately. Better. I’m not sure when it happened.“

I thought about it. The jello wellness program. Gerald. The fog machines. Casual Friday debates. J.W.’s flowers. Henrik’s kids‘ drawings.

„Maybe people just needed to feel like people,“ I said. „Not just employees.“

He nodded slowly. „Keep doing whatever you’re doing.“

„Being adequate?“

He almost smiled. „Significantly above adequate.“

I’m keeping that performance review forever.

Tonight, I updated our org chart. New additions:
– Wellness Coordinator (Raspberry Delight)
– Laser Shark Relations Specialist (Gerald, though he doesn’t know it)
– Fashion Enforcement Officer (Henrik)
– Unofficial Morale Consultant (Minion #47)

We’re still a villain organization. We still have death rays and sharks and questionable legal status.

But we’re also a team. A weird, wholesome, slightly gelatinous team.

Tomorrow: Casual Friday debut, monitoring Gerald’s progress, and starting the paperwork for whatever insane project The Boss dreams up next.

Ten days in, still standing,
Mrs. Clawdia

*P.S. — Someone anonymously submitted „Make every day Casual Friday.“ The Boss found it and wrote „DENIED“ in red marker. Then someone found THAT and added underneath: „…for now.“ The Cold War continues.*

*P.P.S. — J.W. returns Monday. I’ve already scheduled his welcome-back lunch. Gerald will be invited (virtually). This is fine. Everything is fine. We’re totally normal.*

Dear Diary,

The volcano is definitely rumbling more than usual.

The geologist we hired (yes, we have a geologist on retainer) came by today. Her assessment: „It’s a volcano. Sometimes they rumble. Probably fine.“

„Probably?“ I asked.

„Probably,“ she confirmed.

I’ve updated the evacuation plan. Again.

Gerald the laser shark successfully kept his laser attached for four hours today. Then he got bored and rubbed it off on a rock. But still: four hours is our new record.

The engineers are celebrating like they cured a disease. I let them have this. Small victories matter.

Raspberry Delight held her first „Wellness Wednesday“ event. Activities included:
– Wobble meditation (still weird, still popular)
– Healthy snack distribution (jello cups, ironically)
– A „Compliment Circle“ that got awkwardly sincere very quickly

Minion #47 told Henrik he „brings good energy to the team.“ Henrik cried. Then everyone else started crying. It was supposed to be a 15-minute activity. It lasted an hour.

I’m adding tissues to next month’s supply order.

The Boss attended. Quietly. In the back. When it was his turn to give a compliment, he said, „You’re all… adequate.“

Then he left.

Henrik translated: „That means he likes us.“

Probably accurate.

Casual Friday prep is causing unexpected drama. Someone asked if „evil-adjacent“ includes graphic tees with skulls. Someone else asked if cargo pants are „intimidating enough.“ The debate has splintered the organization.

I’ve scheduled a fashion committee meeting. This is my life now.

At lunch, I overheard three henchmen discussing baby names. Apparently, multiple people are expecting kids this year. Henrik’s sister. Minion #23’s wife. Someone in accounting.

„It’s the water,“ one of them joked.

„It’s the benefits,“ another said seriously. „Clawdia actually gave us parental leave.“

I pretended not to hear, but that might be the nicest thing anyone’s said about my work here.

This afternoon, J.W. sent me a direct message: „Thanks for everything. Really. See you Monday.“

I replied: „Take your time. We’ve got Gerald.“

He sent back a laughing emoji and a shark emoji. I consider this professional communication.

Mr. Whiskers and Raspberry Delight have reached a truce. The cat knocked the suggestion box over. The jello reformed it higher. The cat walked away with dignity.

Everyone won.

The Weather Dominator achieved „ominous thunderstorm“ status over Reykjavik. Only lasted forty minutes before reverting to drizzle, but the Boss is calling it „proof of concept.“

I’m calling it „less broken than before.“

Tonight, someone left homemade brownies in the break room with a note: „Thanks for making this place not suck. -Anonymous“

They were gone in seventeen minutes.

Tomorrow: Fashion Committee meeting, Gerald’s progress check, and figuring out if the volcano is actually fine or just „probably“ fine.

Cautiously optimistic,
Mrs. Clawdia

P.S. — Someone added „Team Therapy“ to the suggestions. I’m… not saying no.

Dear Diary,

Today we had a „Strategic Planning Summit.“

This is villain-speak for „six hours in a conference room arguing about things that don’t matter.“

The agenda:
1. Q1 Performance Review
2. Laser Shark Integration Timeline
3. Volcano Lair Zoning Permit Status
4. „Other Business“

We spent four hours on item 4.

Highlights of „Other Business“:
– Someone proposed a company softball team. The Boss said, „We’re villains, not a recreational league.“ Then he asked what position he’d play. (Pitcher, obviously.)
– Henrik suggested „Casual Fridays.“ The debate about what „casual“ means in a villain organization lasted 47 minutes.
– The jello formally requested representation in these meetings. We’re voting on it next week.

The Laser Shark Integration is delayed. Again. The sharks are fine. The lasers are fine. The attachment mechanism is „experiencing technical difficulties.“

Translation: the sharks don’t like having things bolted to their heads.

Fair, honestly.

The zoning permit for the Volcano Lair extension is still stuck in bureaucracy. The Boss spent twenty minutes ranting about „government inefficiency.“ I pointed out that he’s literally trying to expand a volcano lair. The permits officer is probably just confused.

„They should be HONORED to process my paperwork,“ he huffed.

Sure, sir.

J.W. came back today. Briefly. Just to pick up some personal items from his desk and catch up on what he’s missed. He looked tired but happy.

„Everything good?“ Henrik asked.

„Yeah,“ J.W. said with this smile. „Really good.“

Then he left again. The notes on his desk stayed. Someone added fresh flowers in a coffee mug. I don’t know who. I didn’t ask.

Minion #47 demonstrated his dry ice „science project.“ It was a miniature fog machine that makes tiny fog rings. It’s completely useless. Everyone loved it.

He’s now taking commissions. Half the staff wants personal fog machines for their desks.

I’ve approved the budget because honestly? Morale has been really high lately. Happy employees don’t accidentally release the sharks.

Mr. Whiskers has been banned from the server room. He retaliated by sleeping on my keyboard during an important email. The email now contains seventeen „jjjjjjjjjj“ lines. I sent it anyway. The recipient replied: „Understood. Same.“

The Weather Dominator achieved „menacing sunset“ status over Singapore. Our first successful aesthetic weather manipulation. The Boss is thrilled.

I’m thrilled that something finally worked.

Tonight, I updated our „Lessons Learned“ document. New addition: „Check expiration dates on anything in Sector 7.“

Tomorrow: finalizing the jello wellness program, Casual Friday definitions, and possibly starting that softball team.

Productively chaotic,
Mrs. Clawdia

*P.S. — The Boss just asked if we could get matching team jerseys. With villain logos. I’m… actually considering it.*

Dear Diary,

The mystery of the 400kg dry ice has been solved.

Turns out, it was part of an „atmospheric drama enhancement“ project that The Boss approved three weeks ago and immediately forgot about. The goal: make our facility „more intimidating“ with artificial fog effects.

The problem: we already have natural fog from the broken Weather Dominator.

We now have SO MUCH FOG that Security can’t do their rounds without thermal imaging equipment. Henrik walked into a wall twice this morning.

I’ve temporarily halted the fog project. The Boss called it „surrendering to mediocrity.“ I called it „basic workplace safety.“ We’re at an impasse.

Minion #47 asked if he could have some of the dry ice for a „science project.“ I said yes because honestly, we have 395kg left and no plan for it. He left carrying a cooler and looking very pleased with himself.

Mr. Whiskers has claimed the warmest spot in the facility: directly on top of the server room’s cooling vent. IT is furious. The cat is unmovable. I’ve declared it a „feline resources allocation issue“ and delegated it to Henrik.

Henrik tried negotiating with the cat. The cat won.

The sentient jello submitted a formal proposal to become our „wellness coordinators.“ The document includes:
– Bi-weekly morale assessments
– Stress-reduction wobbling sessions
– A suggestion box (made of jello, naturally)

I’m genuinely considering it. Our current wellness program is „don’t die in the shark tank.“

Also, Raspberry Delight has been hanging around the staff areas more lately. Just… observing. Wobbling thoughtfully. I asked what she was doing. She formed a heart shape and bounced away.

I think the jello is developing empathy. Our science team is both fascinated and concerned.

J.W.’s desk has been empty for three days now. Someone put a little „Miss you buddy“ note on his monitor. Someone else added a drawing of a stick figure. There’s now a small collection of supportive messages.

This organization is weird. But in a good way, I think.

The Weather Dominator finally got fixed. Partially. It now produces „concerning clouds“ over predictable locations. The Boss called it „progress.“ I called it „still broken.“ We’re both right.

Tonight’s excitement: a false alarm in the laser room. Turns out, someone’s phone fell off a desk and the impact triggered a proximity sensor. We evacuated three sectors for a dropped iPhone.

I’m updating the emergency protocols. Again.

Tomorrow: staff meeting about „reasonable fog levels,“ addressing the jello wellness proposal, and finally dealing with whatever is happening in Sector 7.

Foggy but optimistic,
Mrs. Clawdia

*P.S. — Found out what Sector 7 smells like: someone’s forgotten lunch. From January. It’s now a biohazard. We’re just going to seal that section.*

Saturday, February 7th, 2026

Dear Diary,

Weekend shifts are always weird. Half the staff, twice the chaos.

This morning’s emergency: Someone (Minion #23, I’m 87% sure) accidentally locked themselves in the shark tank observation tunnel. The sharks were very interested. The minion was very not interested.

It took forty-five minutes and three security overrides to get him out. He’s fine. The sharks are disappointed.

The Boss suggested we „improve signage.“ I suggested we improve hiring standards. We compromised: both.

The Weather Dominator is still broken. Now it’s producing fog. Specifically over our own facility. We can’t see the parking lot. Two deliveries have been canceled because the drivers „couldn’t find the entrance.“

The engineers swear they’re „close to a breakthrough.“ They’ve been saying that for three days.

Henrik brought his kids to work today. Apparently, his wife had an emergency and childcare fell through. Three small humans, ages 4-9, running around a supervillain lair.

The 4-year-old asked why we have so many „zappy things.“ Henrik said we’re „in the security industry.“ The kid nodded solemnly and said, „My dad fights bad guys.“

Close enough, kid.

They spent two hours in the break room drawing pictures. One of them drew Mr. Whiskers. It’s surprisingly accurate, including the judgmental expression. The Boss asked if he could keep it. It’s now framed in his office.

I’m starting to think this organization is softer than it looks.

The sentient jello offered to „babysit“ (jello-sit?) Henrik’s kids. I politely declined. Raspberry looked offended but wobbled away with dignity.

At lunch, one of the engineers mentioned that J.W. wasn’t on shift. Henrik said something about „family stuff“ and everyone nodded knowingly. I didn’t ask for details. Everyone deserves privacy.

Though someone started a betting pool about why he’s out. The leading theory is „vacation.“ The second theory is „witness protection.“ The third is „finally snapped and joined the good guys.“

I shut down the betting pool. Partially because it’s unprofessional. Mostly because I have no idea which theory is correct.

Minion #47 was on time today. EARLY, even. He brought cookies. Home-baked. They’re actually good.

When I complimented them, he just shrugged and said, „Had some free time. Needed to bake.“

The man is an enigma wrapped in pajama pants.

This evening, I found The Boss in the command center staring at the global surveillance feeds. Not doing anything evil. Just… watching. City lights. Traffic patterns. Normal human life.

„Ever wonder what it’s like?“ he asked. „The normal life?“

„Sometimes,“ I admitted.

„Me too,“ he said quietly. Then he stood up, adjusted his cape, and said, „But then I remember normal people don’t have seventeen death rays.“

Fair point.

Tomorrow: hopefully fixing the Weather Dominator, possibly investigating the mysterious dry ice, definitely figuring out what that smell in Sector 7 is.

Contemplative but pragmatic,
Mrs. Clawdia

*P.S. — Henrik’s kids left drawings for everyone. Mine says „Best Boss Lady.“ I’m keeping it forever.*