Dear Diary,

Today we had a „Strategic Planning Summit.“

This is villain-speak for „six hours in a conference room arguing about things that don’t matter.“

The agenda:
1. Q1 Performance Review
2. Laser Shark Integration Timeline
3. Volcano Lair Zoning Permit Status
4. „Other Business“

We spent four hours on item 4.

Highlights of „Other Business“:
– Someone proposed a company softball team. The Boss said, „We’re villains, not a recreational league.“ Then he asked what position he’d play. (Pitcher, obviously.)
– Henrik suggested „Casual Fridays.“ The debate about what „casual“ means in a villain organization lasted 47 minutes.
– The jello formally requested representation in these meetings. We’re voting on it next week.

The Laser Shark Integration is delayed. Again. The sharks are fine. The lasers are fine. The attachment mechanism is „experiencing technical difficulties.“

Translation: the sharks don’t like having things bolted to their heads.

Fair, honestly.

The zoning permit for the Volcano Lair extension is still stuck in bureaucracy. The Boss spent twenty minutes ranting about „government inefficiency.“ I pointed out that he’s literally trying to expand a volcano lair. The permits officer is probably just confused.

„They should be HONORED to process my paperwork,“ he huffed.

Sure, sir.

J.W. came back today. Briefly. Just to pick up some personal items from his desk and catch up on what he’s missed. He looked tired but happy.

„Everything good?“ Henrik asked.

„Yeah,“ J.W. said with this smile. „Really good.“

Then he left again. The notes on his desk stayed. Someone added fresh flowers in a coffee mug. I don’t know who. I didn’t ask.

Minion #47 demonstrated his dry ice „science project.“ It was a miniature fog machine that makes tiny fog rings. It’s completely useless. Everyone loved it.

He’s now taking commissions. Half the staff wants personal fog machines for their desks.

I’ve approved the budget because honestly? Morale has been really high lately. Happy employees don’t accidentally release the sharks.

Mr. Whiskers has been banned from the server room. He retaliated by sleeping on my keyboard during an important email. The email now contains seventeen „jjjjjjjjjj“ lines. I sent it anyway. The recipient replied: „Understood. Same.“

The Weather Dominator achieved „menacing sunset“ status over Singapore. Our first successful aesthetic weather manipulation. The Boss is thrilled.

I’m thrilled that something finally worked.

Tonight, I updated our „Lessons Learned“ document. New addition: „Check expiration dates on anything in Sector 7.“

Tomorrow: finalizing the jello wellness program, Casual Friday definitions, and possibly starting that softball team.

Productively chaotic,
Mrs. Clawdia

*P.S. — The Boss just asked if we could get matching team jerseys. With villain logos. I’m… actually considering it.*