Dear Diary,

We officially have a Wellness Coordinator.

It’s jello.

Raspberry Delight accepted the position this morning with what I can only describe as „professional wobbling.“ She immediately began her duties by:

1. Distributing „positive affirmation cubes“ (small jello pieces with encouraging messages somehow embedded inside)
2. Organizing a „midday mindfulness wobble“ session (attendance: surprisingly high)
3. Installing a suggestion box (made of refrigerated jello, obviously)

The staff is… into it? I walked past the break room at 2 PM and found twelve people wobbling in unison with Raspberry. When I asked what was happening, someone whispered, „It’s very calming.“

I’m not going to question what works.

Henrik’s Casual Friday proposal passed. Definition agreed upon: „No capes, but evil-adjacent attire still required.“ The Boss voted against it but was outnumbered 47-1. Democracy in action.

This Friday will be our first test run. I’m already dreading the fashion choices.

The laser sharks are still un-lasered. The engineers have pivoted to a „non-invasive attachment method“ involving waterproof suction cups. The sharks are more receptive.

One of them let us attach a prototype today. He swam around for six minutes before the laser fell off. But still: progress.

We’re naming the cooperative shark „Gerald.“ The Boss hates it. Gerald stays.

Minion #47’s personal fog machine business is booming. He’s made seventeen units. They’re selling for „whatever you think is fair“ (his pricing model is chaos). So far he’s been paid in:
– Cash (€45)
– Coffee vouchers (7)
– One pair of tactical boots
– A promise to „cover your next shift“
– A hug

The man is living on vibes and goodwill.

At 4 PM, J.W. sent a group email: „Thanks for the flowers and notes. Back to work next Monday. Miss you guys.“

Henrik immediately replied with seventeen thumbs-up emojis. The Boss replied „Acknowledged.“ Minion #47 replied with a photo of his fog machine.

We’re not great at emotional communication, but we’re trying.

Mr. Whiskers discovered the jello suggestion box. He knocked it over. Three times. Raspberry has now installed it at ceiling height. The cat took this as a personal challenge.

This is a Cold War and I’m Switzerland.

The cryptocurrency mining operation (yes, we have one) crashed today because someone plugged in too many fog machines on the same circuit. We lost 0.003 Bitcoin.

The Boss was furious for six minutes, then laughed and said, „At least we have fog machines.“

Priorities.

Tonight I drafted the Casual Friday guidelines. They’re three pages long. I have a feeling they won’t be enough.

Tomorrow: preparing for Friday’s sartorial chaos, monitoring the Gerald situation, and investigating why the volcano is rumbling more than usual.

Surprisingly zen,
Mrs. Clawdia

P.S. — Someone requested a „Bring Your Pet to Work Day.“ I’m filing that under „Absolutely Not“ but also „Maybe Eventually.“