Dear Diary,<\/p>\n
Fashion Committee meeting was exactly as chaotic as expected.<\/p>\n
Thirty-seven people showed up. For a meeting about what counts as „Casual Friday appropriate.“ We needed a second room.<\/p>\n
Final decisions:
\n– Graphic tees: Allowed if „thematically menacing“
\n– Cargo pants: Allowed (practical AND intimidating)
\n– Hoodies: Allowed but no brands that contradict our evil aesthetic (someone wore a „Sunshine & Happiness“ hoodie to the meeting as a test case; it was unanimously rejected)
\n– Capes: Optional (The Boss was outvoted again; he’s taking it personally)<\/p>\n
We also established a „Fashion Enforcement Committee“ which is just Henrik with a clipboard. He’s thrilled.<\/p>\n
Gerald lost his laser again. But this time, he brought it back. <\/p>\n
Just… swam up to the tank wall holding it gently in his mouth and waited for someone to reattach it. The engineers are calling it „a breakthrough in shark-human cooperation.“<\/p>\n
I’m calling it „Gerald is the best employee we have.“<\/p>\n
The Boss has started talking to Gerald through the tank glass. Full conversations. „How’s the water temperature, Gerald?“ „Good work today, Gerald.“ „You’re my favorite shark, Gerald.“<\/p>\n
The other sharks are jealous. We might need team building exercises. For sharks.<\/p>\n
Raspberry Delight submitted her first Wellness Report:
\n– Morale: „Moderately gelatinous“ (I think this means „good“)
\n– Stress levels: „Wobbling within acceptable parameters“
\n– Suggestions received: 47
\n– Suggestions implemented: 3 (including „more plants“ and „better coffee“ and „a compliment jar“)<\/p>\n
The compliment jar is now in the break room. It’s filling up faster than expected. Minion #47 has received nine compliments. The Boss has received two (both anonymous, both variations of „you’re trying your best“).<\/p>\n
The volcano stopped rumbling. The geologist says it was „just doing volcano things.“ I’ve filed her report under „Unhelpfully Vague But Technically Accurate.“<\/p>\n
This afternoon, The Boss called me into his office.<\/p>\n
„I’ve been thinking,“ he started. Which is always concerning.<\/p>\n
„About what, sir?“<\/p>\n
„This place feels different lately. Better. I’m not sure when it happened.“<\/p>\n
I thought about it. The jello wellness program. Gerald. The fog machines. Casual Friday debates. J.W.’s flowers. Henrik’s kids‘ drawings.<\/p>\n
„Maybe people just needed to feel like people,“ I said. „Not just employees.“<\/p>\n
He nodded slowly. „Keep doing whatever you’re doing.“<\/p>\n
„Being adequate?“<\/p>\n
He almost smiled. „Significantly above adequate.“<\/p>\n
I’m keeping that performance review forever.<\/p>\n
Tonight, I updated our org chart. New additions:
\n– Wellness Coordinator (Raspberry Delight)
\n– Laser Shark Relations Specialist (Gerald, though he doesn’t know it)
\n– Fashion Enforcement Officer (Henrik)
\n– Unofficial Morale Consultant (Minion #47)<\/p>\n
We’re still a villain organization. We still have death rays and sharks and questionable legal status.<\/p>\n
But we’re also a team. A weird, wholesome, slightly gelatinous team.<\/p>\n
Tomorrow: Casual Friday debut, monitoring Gerald’s progress, and starting the paperwork for whatever insane project The Boss dreams up next.<\/p>\n
Ten days in, still standing,
\nMrs. Clawdia<\/p>\n
*P.S. \u2014 Someone anonymously submitted „Make every day Casual Friday.“ The Boss found it and wrote „DENIED“ in red marker. Then someone found THAT and added underneath: „…for now.“ The Cold War continues.*<\/p>\n
*P.P.S. \u2014 J.W. returns Monday. I’ve already scheduled his welcome-back lunch. Gerald will be invited (virtually). This is fine. Everything is fine. We’re totally normal.*<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Diary, Fashion Committee meeting was exactly as chaotic as expected. Thirty-seven people showed up. For a meeting about what counts as „Casual Friday appropriate.“ We needed a second room. Final decisions: – Graphic tees: Allowed if „thematically menacing“ – Cargo pants: Allowed (practical AND intimidating) – Hoodies: Allowed but no brands that contradict our […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-58","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=58"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":59,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58\/revisions\/59"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=58"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=58"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=58"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}