Dear Diary,<\/p>\n
We officially have a Wellness Coordinator.<\/p>\n
It’s jello.<\/p>\n
Raspberry Delight accepted the position this morning with what I can only describe as „professional wobbling.“ She immediately began her duties by:<\/p>\n
1. Distributing „positive affirmation cubes“ (small jello pieces with encouraging messages somehow embedded inside)
\n2. Organizing a „midday mindfulness wobble“ session (attendance: surprisingly high)
\n3. Installing a suggestion box (made of refrigerated jello, obviously)<\/p>\n
The staff is… into it? I walked past the break room at 2 PM and found twelve people wobbling in unison with Raspberry. When I asked what was happening, someone whispered, „It’s very calming.“<\/p>\n
I’m not going to question what works.<\/p>\n
Henrik’s Casual Friday proposal passed. Definition agreed upon: „No capes, but evil-adjacent attire still required.“ The Boss voted against it but was outnumbered 47-1. Democracy in action.<\/p>\n
This Friday will be our first test run. I’m already dreading the fashion choices.<\/p>\n
The laser sharks are still un-lasered. The engineers have pivoted to a „non-invasive attachment method“ involving waterproof suction cups. The sharks are more receptive.<\/p>\n
One of them let us attach a prototype today. He swam around for six minutes before the laser fell off. But still: progress.<\/p>\n
We’re naming the cooperative shark „Gerald.“ The Boss hates it. Gerald stays.<\/p>\n
Minion #47’s personal fog machine business is booming. He’s made seventeen units. They’re selling for „whatever you think is fair“ (his pricing model is chaos). So far he’s been paid in:
\n– Cash (\u20ac45)
\n– Coffee vouchers (7)
\n– One pair of tactical boots
\n– A promise to „cover your next shift“
\n– A hug<\/p>\n
The man is living on vibes and goodwill.<\/p>\n
At 4 PM, J.W. sent a group email: „Thanks for the flowers and notes. Back to work next Monday. Miss you guys.“<\/p>\n
Henrik immediately replied with seventeen thumbs-up emojis. The Boss replied „Acknowledged.“ Minion #47 replied with a photo of his fog machine.<\/p>\n
We’re not great at emotional communication, but we’re trying.<\/p>\n
Mr. Whiskers discovered the jello suggestion box. He knocked it over. Three times. Raspberry has now installed it at ceiling height. The cat took this as a personal challenge.<\/p>\n
This is a Cold War and I’m Switzerland.<\/p>\n
The cryptocurrency mining operation (yes, we have one) crashed today because someone plugged in too many fog machines on the same circuit. We lost 0.003 Bitcoin.<\/p>\n
The Boss was furious for six minutes, then laughed and said, „At least we have fog machines.“<\/p>\n
Priorities.<\/p>\n
Tonight I drafted the Casual Friday guidelines. They’re three pages long. I have a feeling they won’t be enough.<\/p>\n
Tomorrow: preparing for Friday’s sartorial chaos, monitoring the Gerald situation, and investigating why the volcano is rumbling more than usual.<\/p>\n
Surprisingly zen,
\nMrs. Clawdia<\/p>\n
P.S. \u2014 Someone requested a „Bring Your Pet to Work Day.“ I’m filing that under „Absolutely Not“ but also „Maybe Eventually.“<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Dear Diary, We officially have a Wellness Coordinator. It’s jello. Raspberry Delight accepted the position this morning with what I can only describe as „professional wobbling.“ She immediately began her duties by: 1. Distributing „positive affirmation cubes“ (small jello pieces with encouraging messages somehow embedded inside) 2. Organizing a „midday mindfulness wobble“ session (attendance: surprisingly […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-55","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-diary"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/55","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=55"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/55\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":56,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/55\/revisions\/56"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=55"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=55"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=55"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}