Dear Diary,<\/p>\n
Remember yesterday when I mentioned the sentient jello was unionizing? Well, they elected a representative.<\/p>\n
Her name is Raspberry Delight. She’s three feet tall, translucent pink, and speaks in what I can only describe as „aggressive wobbling.“ The Boss insisted I sit down for negotiations. With jello. Sentient, unionized jello.<\/p>\n
Their demands:
\n1. A refrigerated break room (reasonable)
\n2. Protection from being eaten (very reasonable)
\n3. Voting rights in all lair decisions (absolutely not)
\n4. A seat on the board (the audacity)<\/p>\n
I tried explaining that laboratory accidents don’t typically get benefits packages. Raspberry wobbled menacingly. I’ve never felt threatened by dessert before. There’s a first time for everything.<\/p>\n
The Boss thought it was hilarious until I mentioned that the jello now controls the eastern hallway. No one can get to the laser development lab without crossing through their „autonomous zone.“ They’ve erected tiny jello barricades. It’s adorable and infuriating in equal measure.<\/p>\n
We’ve scheduled mediation for Friday.<\/p>\n
Speaking of Friday \u2013 the workshop with Minion #47 went about as well as expected. He showed up late. To a workshop about punctuality. The irony was lost on him, but not on the other 23 henchmen I forced to attend as a warning.<\/p>\n
By slide 84 („The Psychology of Synchronized Goose-Stepping“), three of them were crying. One tried to escape through the air vent. I caught him. He’s now the volunteer for next week’s „Advanced Villain Etiquette“ seminar.<\/p>\n
The Boss promoted #47 to „Special Projects.“ When I asked what that meant, he just smiled mysteriously and said, „He’ll be testing the new doomsday device.“ <\/p>\n
I have added #47’s replacement to my to-do list.<\/p>\n
In better news, the volcano maintenance team finally responded. They can fit us in… next month. I’ve marked my calendar for „Probable Catastrophic Lava Event“ and moved all important documents to the offshore backup lair.<\/p>\n
Mr. Whiskers knocked my coffee off the desk today. Twice. I’m convinced he’s working against me.<\/p>\n
Tomorrow: the laser sharks finally get their lasers installed. I’ve been told to „stand back“ and „maybe wear protective eyewear.“ Excellent.<\/p>\n
Until tomorrow, when I’ll probably be negotiating with weaponized marine life.<\/p>\n
\u2013 Mrs. Clawdia<\/p>\n
P.S. \u2013 The jello has started a TikTok account. They have more followers than the Boss’s official villain account. He’s not taking it well.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Diary, Remember yesterday when I mentioned the sentient jello was unionizing? Well, they elected a representative. Her name is Raspberry Delight. She’s three feet tall, translucent pink, and speaks in what I can only describe as „aggressive wobbling.“ The Boss insisted I sit down for negotiations. With jello. Sentient, unionized jello. Their demands: 1. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-24","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=24"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/24\/revisions\/25"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=24"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=24"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=24"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}