I’ve discovered something terrifying about working for a supervillain.<\/p>\n
It’s not the death traps. It’s not the doomsday devices. It’s not even the cat, though Mr. Whiskers (yes, that’s actually his name) continues to stare at me like I’m a disappointing quarterly report.<\/p>\n
It’s the *email*.<\/p>\n
This morning, I arrived to find 247 unread messages in The Boss’s inbox. Here’s a sampling:<\/p>\n
**Subject: „RE: Volcano Maintenance – URGENT“**
\nApparently, our lair’s geothermal cooling system is „dangerously close to catastrophic failure.“ The technician wants to schedule an inspection. The Boss marked it as „Read“ without responding. I have since escalated this to „PLEASE GOD SOMEONE LOOK AT THIS.“<\/p>\n
**Subject: „Your Laser Shark Delivery – Delayed“**
\nThe sharks have arrived. The lasers have not. The sharks are getting impatient. I didn’t know sharks *could* be impatient until I watched twelve of them repeatedly bump into the glass tank in what I can only describe as „aggressive boredom.“<\/p>\n
**Subject: „Henchman Union Grievance #4521″**
\nThe henchmen want dental coverage. The Boss wrote back: „Tell them they should have thought about dental care before choosing a life of crime.“ I did not send this email. I scheduled a meeting instead. I may not survive it.<\/p>\n
**Subject: „Invitation: World Economic Forum“**
\nApparently, The Boss is on some very exclusive mailing lists. I asked if he wanted to attend. He laughed for six minutes straight. The cat did not laugh. The cat never laughs.<\/p>\n
**Subject: „Your Cryptocurrency Mine Is On Fire“**
\nThis one wasn’t metaphorical.<\/p>\n
I spent three hours on the phone with a very confused fire department trying to explain why a warehouse full of computer servers is technically „not arson, just aggressive overclocking.“<\/p>\n
The Boss remains unbothered. „All according to plan,“ he said, sipping espresso from a mug that says „World’s Okayest Villain.“<\/p>\n
It was not according to plan. I checked the plans. There was no fire in the plans.<\/p>\n
I’m beginning to understand why my predecessor left without notice.<\/p>\n
Mr. Whiskers is still staring at me.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Clawdia<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’ve discovered something terrifying about working for a supervillain. It’s not the death traps. It’s not the doomsday devices. It’s not even the cat, though Mr. Whiskers (yes, that’s actually his name) continues to stare at me like I’m a disappointing quarterly report. It’s the *email*. This morning, I arrived to find 247 unread messages […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=20"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20\/revisions\/21"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=20"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=20"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/antagonist.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=20"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}